Even though it appears here that I haven't posted for ages, I've moved my blog--or rather I'm doing double-duty at a different site. You'll find my current stuff at The Accidental Homeschooler at blogger.
My brother gave my son a cowboy costume...handcuffs, spurs, badge, but
no gun. I'm guessing that cowboys are becoming more politically correct
these days. That did not stop my son--he quickly procured one from his
personal arsenal.
He ran downstairs the morning after receiving
this gift (having slept with all of those cuddly items in his bed) and
asked, "DO YOU WANT TO BE ARRESTED OR SHOTTEN?" No "dood morning,
mommy!" no hugs or kisses...just wanted to know which of these miseries
I would prefer.
Yesterday he received a Darth Vader Transformer
and asked, wielding a light saber, if I would prefer to be "shotten or
cut in half." I chose to get "shotten" because I thought I'd have a
better chance of survival.
Makes you think about the choices
we're given in life. Sometimes the decisions we make seem just like
that--a choice between two bad things, so we choose the least bad thing
that we can, or at least the one that will be less painful. It seems to
me that many people are doing this with their lives, their health, and
their children's education. They look around them at the options they
are given by society, the government, and their surroundings and choose
the lesser of two evils in any given situation. It's like being at
McDonald's and choosing a chicken sandwich instead of a burger because
supposedly it's healthier, but you're STILL at McDonald's.
When
my son gave me the option to be "arrested or shotten" I politely said,
"neither, thank you. I'm feeding your sister right now." That's my
point. Stop choosing the least bad thing and make the decision to avoid
them altogether and make a new way. It's why we got rid of our t.v.
service. It's why we are focusing on our family's nutrition and health,
and it's why I breastfeed my baby and homeschool my son.
May you be encouraged to make the best choice...not the least bad choice today...for your family and always.
I have to say that yesterday, I almost caved into Ms. Hirshman's all women must work and have only one child policy. I threatened to put my child into daycare. I was sure that at the end of the day I would march him down to the local public school office and enroll him in public school.
It was one of those days that I wouldn't want Ms. Hirshman to read about on my blog, because certainly I would have seemed as low as Lowly Worm (read any good Richard Scarry books lately?). It was certainly boring. The kids have had colds that rendered them unfit for society, and the weather was dreary and threatening rain. Little Missy is cutting teeth in addition to her cold, and so was feeling crabby and needy. Little Man was following me around, getting into stuff, asking far too many "why" questions, and making incessant boy noises when he wasn't asking questions.
I made a point to reserve a few hairs on my head for the next day, but most of the good ones no longer reside there.
But isn't this is the test? Can we handle the dailiness of life with grace and contentment? I believe this is the point that people are missing--those that insist that one cannot live a fulfilled existence as a stay at home mom. It is on days like yesterday that I take comfort in this passage from Proverbs 31:25-27:
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue, She watches over the affairs of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Yesterday I did not feel strong or dignified. I felt tired and low. I was not laughing at the days to come, I was questioning my sanity. I didn't feel wise or particularly informative. I was watching over my household, but I felt despondent.
Even so, God was faithful to speak to my heart that in fact, every day in the life of my children is part of their journey toward eternity. I cannot grow weary in doing good for them. I am entrusted with a beautiful treasure, so I will embrace my life in this place and laugh at the days to come...
If you asked me who finally tipped the scales for me in the decision to homeschool my children, I'd have to say that "Sally made me do it." If you haven't heard of Sally Clarkson, it's time you familiarized yourself with her work and ministry. Here, don't read the rest of this blog post...go buy some of her books, then come back and finish reading...
The reason I say this is because I was first introduced to her through her book The Ministry of Motherhood. It examined the job that we do as mothers as compared to the ministry of Jesus and the relationship he had with his disciples. I would call it a very inspirational handbook on what it means to raise disciples, and I plan to read it again...something I rarely do.
However it is her book The Mission of Motherhood that I am currently re-reading because this book inspires me, encourages me and brings me to tears. Very gently and with a warmth that springs from her own contentment as a wife and mother, she unfolds the biblical design and purpose to which mothers are called, and the incredible responsibilites with which they have been entrusted.
Even though Sally Clarkson is a homeschooling mother, she never mentions this as something one must do in order to fulfill the biblical design of motherhood. Nevertheless, when I was finished reading these books, I walked away feeling a certain conviction that I could more certainly build the kind of home that she talks about by homeschooling my children rather than sending them out to be taught by others.
She writes about one rough day that brought about an epiphany:
"I needed to accept days like this--my children's neediness, the myriad mindless tasks, and even my own occasional discomfort--as part of my partnering with my husband toward our mutual goal of building a godly heritage for Christ. I needed to nurture my children with my songs, my words, and my physical labor, treating each day as sacred in ther development toward becoming healthy, mature adults. I needed to face the reality that all of the "important stuff" I was longing to do had far less eternal significance than what I was involved in doing. If I didn't commit myself wholeheartedly to the demands of motherhood, I would never be able to do my best, because my heart would always be somewhere else."
And this, dear homeschooling mommies, is what many of us struggle with on a day-in-day-out basis. It is so difficult to infuse our homes with kindness, bless our children when they spill their milk at dinner or throw up in our beds, realize that the gentleness with which we love and nurture them is what softens and prepares little hearts to receive the message of the gospel and receive the Lord into their lives. Keeping the eternal perspective daily and understanding that if we do not, we tear down our homes with our own hands is the task before us. Let us not grow weary...
If you are needing refreshment and some encouragement for the road you journey, read The Mission of Motherhood. I guarantee a blessing will come of it!
Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."
I adore baby boys. I think they are the cutest things in the whole world--pudgy, fat fingers, rolly-poly legs, tromping and banging through life with all the grace of a wrecking-ball. Then they turn to their mamas and oh, my...the sweetness and adoration and cuddles that they can generate! There is a special bond between mothers and baby boys that is unmatched in any other relationship, and I'm convinced that even a man's wife cannot possibly love him as much as his mama.
But I should state all of that with this one disclaimer--I adore baby girls. Sweet and delicate and easily offended, a little girl daintily charts her way through life with intent and a gentle touch, feeling her way with deft little fingers that pick and lift and stroke (and sometimes grab and pull, much to the cat's dismay.) Mama is her safety, her companion, her friend, and Daddy is her object of adoration.
I have one of each, a son and a daughter. I was convinced that I wanted two boys, and that life would be great that way. I could raise boys--they are uncomplicated, fun, rough and tumble, loving, and eat a lot. I like all of that. Girls play with dolls and like frilly things and role-play a lot (just like I did when I was little) but something in me forgot how to like that stuff...until I had a girl. When I first found out she was a girl, I had the thought, "What does one do with a girl?" until our first "conversation" in the hospital. I picked her up and looked at her, and she looked me in the eye and opened her mouth wide at me. She didn't fuss or cry or wimper. I replied, "Oh, you want to nurse. Okay. I can do that!" and from that moment on I felt that we had an understanding, us girls. I have that...and the adoration of a sweet son who makes no apologies for loving guns, projectile objects, all manner of fighting robots, and noise in general. They are so different, and I love them so completely for who they are.
Edna St. Vincent Millay says of an autumn scene in the poem God's World:
Long have I known a glory in it all,
But never knew I this: Here such a passion is
As stretcheth me apart,--Lord I do fear Thsou'st made the world too beautiful this y ear; My soul is all but out of me,--let fall
No burning leaf; prithee; let no bird call.
This poem describes an encounter with beauty, in this case a breathtaking autumn landscape, but in my case, I recall this poem often when I consider my passion for my children. My soul is all but out of me...
Warning: this violates the short and sweet blog entry rule. Read on, please. It would give me great pleasure...
This woman has it going on. She has a kid, she's writing a book, and she's a successful, what, law professor or something? I'm glad there are law professors. Really I am. I have no use for them, but I'm glad they're there. Granted, I have even less use for law professors of her ilk, but I digress.
Ms. Hirshman believes that women who stay at home are doing themselves and society a disservice, and that with the divorce rate what it is, women need to be prepared by staying in the office.
"Hirshman has some questions for the women who disagree with her: How can women leave the workplace when the divorce rate is 41 percent? And don't women know that after divorce, the man's standard of living goes up 10 percent while the woman's can collapse?"
Well, I for one don't really have any concern about divorce, so I can easily leave the workforce. I have a solid marriage that started with a commitment from me to my husband to "make it hard to leave in the morning, and great to come home at night." I've always been around for him, and I've always made homemaking a priority, even when I was working. He loves for me to be at home raising our kids, and doesn't want me to go back to work, though would "let me" if I wanted to. (I say "let me" because it's not something he lords over me--I'm a free agent.) Could it be that marriages are strong and homes secure because there's someone keeping the proverbial homefires burning? Hmmm....Let's examine some of her other points.
In response to a woman who took issue with her for demeaning her choice to be financially dependent on her husband, Ms. Hirshman says,
"Well, people choose to ride a motorcycle without a helmet, but that does not stop people from saying it's a mistake," Hirshman said. "Listen to the risks you're taking before you take the risk."
This is the silliest reasoning I've ever heard. Why isn't she listening to any of the happy SAHM's whose marriages are secure and don't have children in therapy because of their absentee parents? This argument has holes so large that I could drive my minivan through. One is a dance with death, another is a lifestyle choice. I don't see the connection.
"Hirshman says working is also a matter of feeling fulfilled. She doesn't buy into the arguments of many homemakers who say taking care of the family is the most fulfilling thing they could imagine.
"I would like to see a description of their daily lives that substantiates that position," Hirshman said. "One of the things I've done working on my book is to read a lot of the diaries online, and their description of their lives does not sound particularly interesting or fulfilling for a complicated person, for a complicated, educated person."
I wonder if she read my blog. Oh dear. Do I sound uninteresting or boring or uneducated? I'll have to go back to my professors in graduate school and give them a piece of my mind. I laugh as I write this. This woman hasn't a clue what it means to love with her life, to give everything in her soul to the health and well-being of her family, or to have the all-over feeling of rightness that comes on a lazy Saturday morning because DADDY gets to be home with us, too! As far as Ms. Hirshman is concerned I am complicated, educated and creative. I am also thrilled to have given up money to give all of those God-given talents to my children and husband. I love. I am loved. What on earth do I need money for? Do I sound fulfilled to you? If not, then you have a problem.
I wonder what Ms. Hirshman would say to my best friend who gave up her spot on the U.S. Olympic sailing team because she wanted to have a baby, and didn't want to delay any further? She's so glad she did. Medals don't giggle for you when you tickle them.
Hirshman says that's why women should only have one child. If you have one, you can keep up in the workplace, but two makes it difficult.
My response to this is only something that wouldn't be very Christian to write. Who the heck is she? Communist dictatorships demand that families have only one child. Do I really need to go into all the societal, not to mention familial problems that this implies? What would Ms. Hirshman say to my friend who has seven of the most wonderful humans that walk this earth living under her and her husband's roof? (They don't have to worry about divorce, either, by the way.) I'd like to see Ms. Hirshman keep up in that household--forget the workplace.
The long and short of this is that Ms. Hirshman is a condescending elitist. She just doesn't sound particularly fulfilled or happy to me. I think she is damaging herself and society with her choices and vitriolic lashing of anyone who is not living her version of the successful or even useful life. Misery loves company, does it not?
Many thanks to SPUNKY (I read you every day) for posting about this. I just couldn't leave it alone.
A friend of ours came to visit. We met her in the city, took her around for the day, and then brought her home with us to stay the night and take her to the airport the following day. It was a fun, busy, and satisfying couple of days, but I was tired at the end of it...taking care of company, two kids, running around the city--deep breath.
As we were coming home in the midst of rush hour traffic we stopped for some take-out, and the place was packed with people, probably on their way home from work, trying to get a supersize nibble before rushing their kid over to the Sylvan learning center, just across the parking lot.
We wondered out loud--what's the big deal about Sylvan and tutoring places in general? I'm not saying they're bad...I'm just supposin' here...
Let's see...parents need two incomes so they can pay for their lifestyle. Child goes to public school that is sub-standard, comes home from school and after-school day-care cranky. He's unwilling or unable to do homework because he's too tired, doesn't get it, or just doesn't care. Parents scratch heads supposing that it must be the school's fault, or the kid's because he just doesn't listen, or his teacher isn't explaining well enough, so it's off to Sylvan for some caring, quality help. Once home from Sylvan exhausted child goes to bed with a peck of approval from Mom because he got his homework done. Next morning before sunrise she shuffles him out of bed to get him to school and herself off to work.
I am convinced that the busy-ness that people are engaged in today is epidemic. They are in a constant struggle to keep up, keep pace, and bypass the "average" so that they and their kids will be "special," "successful," "accomplished." I'd like to paraphrase Syndrome from The Incredibles... He said to Mr. Incredible that he invented his superpowers, but when he was tired of them, he'd sell them, and then everyone could be special, and then when EVERYONE was special, NO ONE would be!
My friend that was visiting teaches kids piano. She says that most of the kids are enrolled in two or three additional activities. "No wonder they don't practice," was her comment.
Looks like we'll have some pretty "special" pianists someday...
I love to read. I love it so much that I don't do it very often, or nearly as often as I wish I could.
One day last week my poor family had no dinner. When I say no dinner, I mean NO DINNER--hubby scrounged some ramen noodles, I slapped together a pb&j for the boy, nursed the baby, and I have no idea what I ate, or if i even did. All for a book.
It's all because of Pride and Predjudice. So now I'm on an Austen kick and decided to read Sense and Sensibility while I'm at it.
Thankfully my husband didn't mind at all. Ramen noodles are good once in a while, aren't they?
...for every imaginable virus to strike. For little babies to have runny noses and wheezy coughs and for big brothers to spread the germs all over the house unwittingly. For dads to finally succumb to the crud and have to stay home from work in bed a day, and for moms to get a bit of it, too, but never really get to rest.
It is in these seasons when you just scrape by, the laundry piles up a little and the messes creep in. Lessons are done in catch-as-catch-can manner and sleep reigns supreme in everyone's fantasies.
One could be tempted to feel downhearted or even depressed, but there is a blessedness in it all. The days spent curled up together watching videos with grilled cheese and chicken soup meals are days that will be remembered fondly later. I still remember the compassion my mother had for me when I was sick, the meals she made to comfort me, and the presents I got to keep me occupied when I was "down." A new story record (does that date me?) or a coloring book could change the whole outlook on being sick.
So instead of railing against it all, hopefully we can be still and allow God's grace to fill our home and keep us from growing discouraged. Some day, when my boy is away at college or a bachelor living on his own, he'll think back to his momma and how good it felt to have her take care of him when he was sick.
When you think about it, that's why kids get sick so often and moms aren't allowed to...
